I think that women are wired to react to every cry.
(Wich was good ages ago)

Yves

So I have to rely on my husband more to get out of the symbiose and not promptly respond in a giving way to every uttered need, because and differ true emotion from emotional manipulation!

I think it is useful to share failures: “Failure is instructive. The person who really thinks learns quite as much from his failures as from his successes.” – Oscar Wilde.

Here is a short description of the talk: This is the story of an Agile transition gone bad. I was a development manager at a startup with a distributed development team. Although I had lot’s of experience with Agile adoption at other companies, this transition stalled and became yet another case of scrumbut. You’ll learn about the challenges and warning signs. I’ll also talk about some of the challenges of coaching when you are the manager.

As the Moody Blues said “Thinking is the best way to travel, tum, dum tum dum.”
dr jim sellner, PhD., DipC.

- It’s more fun with two as alone, even if your partner is a virgin (has no experience)
- Even if that’s the case you will still program (have sex) on your own
- You learn alot by talking to eachother after the “act”.

Puzzle:
Not sure what is “for-play” in this metaphor.

I like your tips, and they also work with my analogy…

y

Cheers

My planned presentation approach was to tell the story of each project’s early (first 3-4) iterations and, at the point a significant issue/decision point occurred, stop and let the audience suggest what they think might have best been done at that point. Then I would reveal the decisions made by the organizations, why they decided to do so, and what happened as a result.

It was going to be called “A Tale of Two Cities” and would have combined what I thought were beneficial and deterimental decisions.

Well in the negatice experience reports, I would be interested in hearing: I tried X, it did not work, we think because of Y.
So I would know that in circumstances with Y , I have to be carefull if I try X

None the less, I have been to a few of those sessions. So, I’m thinking about how I *listen* to such sessions. I don’t tend to buy the whole “do it this way because it works” success story, instead I’m looking for concepts, practices, (warnings?) to add to my tool kit, which I will use when they seem appropriate in my context.

It seems I can learn such tools from both success stories and failure stories. It’s not the success or failure that’s interesting to me, but the details of what they tried, how they did it. I’m looking for ideas.

Perhaps the key example is how Royce’s original article where “waterfall” was diagrammed and actually rejected as useful was so misunderstood. Somehow, a phased, sequential model with little or no iteration became the “right” lifecycle to emulate. Showing “due diligence” in this lifecycle meant significant early plans and analysis.

I do think negative reports are not well-received, publically, as the response I often hear is that the organization “didn’t do Agile right.” Of course, that is the same response I get when a waterfall-like project goes South: they didn’t follow the process “right.”

My own belief is that, in either case, they didn’t understand the process “right” in the first place, then tried to follow it, but “tailored” it, in some way, when it conflicted with established ideas they had about what was “right” or “practical.”

That being said I do recognize the problem. Failures are abundant in the industry and there are probably lessons to be learned there. Marginalizing or dismissing negative experiences is short term thinking. It prevents learning and creates the positive vibe you mentioned that some actually find repulsive. And that hurts the – for lack of a better word – agile cause.

Any healthy community should have a dash of self-reflection and integrity (self-esteem?) to recognize weak spots, acknowledge and improve on them.

Deborah Preuss

The reason why we have this feeling is that we are not able tol write reports that don’t blame people or organizations directly. That problem is related to fact that we have not found a pattern for a negative experience report that delivers new knowledge without blaming anyone. Are we missing something here? science has been doing negative result papers for ever. Lone opf the most famous failed experiments led Einstein towards the relativity theory. We badly need these nmegative experience reports and we may still need to learn how to deliver those in a way that focuses on learning not blaming…

I got the example from a couple that was married for a few years. And they used he perfection game all the time for lots of different things in their life.
I think that in a long relation it is important to talk about this.
For me, asking to perfect the sexual intercourse is different from asking “was it good”?

With asking to perfect, you ask to improve it. You could also perfect it in general and not a specific act/day.

Yves